"For the Love of Korea"

It doesn’t feel real.

It’s so paralyzing and confusing at first.

Of all things, I was a tomboy as a little girl. So I’ve had my fair share of falling out of trees and getting the wind knocked flat out of me.

This feels a lot like that.


SLAM


“What happened?” “Why does this hurt?” “Wait, why can’t I breathe?”

Way too shocked and way too hurt to even cry.

Yeah... This feels a lot like that.

A fluffy little Yorkie puppy’s eyes look inquisitively up at me from the warm bed he has made in my lap, licking away wayward tears from my face as I try to sort, to re-live it all.

Early morning phone calls. They’re as bad as late night phone calls. Your heart always drops at first.

Mama. 7:14.

“Mama” I answer, senses acutely dialed in to her voice, her response.

“Katie. It’s Aunt Linda. She’s had a massive aneurysm on her brain stem… They’re performing a 4 hour surgery, but the doctors don’t expect her to live through the night.”

I sat there on my floor, legs crossed, staring dumbfounded at the blank white wall in front of me.

“This can’t be real. This can’t be real,” I thought, “She can’t go. She’s only 52. She’s can’t leave South Korea where she’s been serving Christ for the past 14 years. She can’t leave her husband. She can’t leave their four children. This isn’t real…”

The next 36 hours were such a surreal blur. I seemed to float by with a dazed and heavy heart through classes and daily life.

Text updates from Mommy. Email updates from Daddy. Quick hugs, sobs, and prayers between classes with a few beloved friends.

Jesus, JESUS what are you doing?

Friday morning. A group of us girls were headed to the gym between classes to work out. I had quickly run home for something when I got ‘the’ call. You know ‘the’ call. Most of us would prefer to go through life with as few of ‘those’ calls as possible.

“Katie. Aunt Linda is brain dead. She never woke up from surgery. They are going to wait for her heart to stop beating before they pronounce her dead.”

‘Thud.’ That’s how my heart felt. I know it’s technically not a feeling or an emotion, but I wasn’t able to experience either of those two things at that moment. Just ‘thud.’

Praise God Mama was able to feel enough for the both of us women: “Katie, I just don’t understand!” she exclaimed through hysterical sobs, “Why Aunt Linda?! WHY HER?!? She loved and served Jesus so much! And she had such a huge heart for the Koreans, and her schoolchildren, and all those aching souls. I think of her leading all those Bible studies with the women, and baking cookies, and leading ‘True Love Waits’ with the youth. I keep asking God WHY. I know I shouldn’t, that God is sovereign, and that I shouldn’t expect an answer.

But now she’ll never see Michael graduate high school in May,

never see Keri graduate college,

never see Sarah walk down the aisle,

and never hold the grandbaby Heather would have had.

Oh and Uncle Rex,” she sobbed even harder, “He watched his sweetie die. And now he’s over there in that foreign mission field without his bride!”

Tragedy. Anger. Tears. Heartache. Why? Why? Why? WHY Lord???

“Then the Lord answered…‘Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding… Will the faultfinder contend with the Almighty? Let him who reproves God answer it.” Job 38:1, 2, 4; 40:2

Yes- and then God steps in [yet, not as if He hadn’t been there the entire time]. It was more of the Lord graciously giving us a glimpse of Himself and His Sovereignty. He is the only, only One I have met that can CONSISTANTLY take situations as dark as midnight and bring victories as glorious as sunrise…




Somewhere over Uganda, 2008


Once a young child sat at the foot of her grandmother, watching her old fingers as they cross-stitched. The tangled gobs of colored string looked like a horrible, awful mess from where the child was sitting. It wasn’t until the grandmother took the child into her lap up above that she was able to see the exquisite masterpiece the grandmother had been weaving the entire time.

So it is with the masterpiece of our lives that He is weaving, through the divine power of Christ’s blood and the Holy Spirit. How disgustingly tangled Aunt Linda’s situation first seemed from our perspective! Though we are not always granted such on this side of eternity, the Lord suddenly let us sit on His lap and catch a glimpse of His sovereign perspective.

See, my friends, here is the catch – the unexpected catch that flips this ENTIRE situation over on its head – Aunt Linda chose to donate her organs.

In the traditional and conservative world of Korean medicine – organ donation does not happen. It is an extremely rare day that a Korean chooses to donate their organs. So when the young American wife and mother determined that she would give her organs, the country was taken by STORM. As Uncle Rex shared:

“We needed to sign so many papers at the hospital as Linda wanted to donate organs so others may live to possibly hear the Gospel. The Korean Hospital is simply overwhelmed with that decision as Koreans rarely donate organs. We've been asked if the TV network can do a "story" on this during our memorial service on Tuesday. I told them that they may come but I will likely be too emotional to be able to speak. I have asked if I could maybe write a statement that could be read. Linda will be able to witness to 50,000,000 Koreans through that basic statement of having the opportunity to extend someone's life to hear about Jesus and the eternal life he has given to us as Christians.”

So on that cold January afternoon… Aunt Linda became the first foreigner in the history of the Korean nation to donate organs.

In an email from the day of the funeral, Uncle Rex continued: “Today was a very long day. We were at a funeral home from noon to 9PM. We had interviews with 6 different TV channels and our interviews were aired all over Korea on the evening news. Linda is the first foreigner to donate organs in the country and she has become somewhat of a celebrity. In the interview I was able to maintain my composure, praise the Lord! I was able to tell people that Linda and I had a goal to be able to extend people's lives long enough for them to hear about Jesus and His gift of eternal life. I am not sure how much they edited out but the Korean people I have talked to said that it came across that she definitely was a Christian. Linda lives on!

I have been told that 5 peoples lives have been saved and that about 100 burn victims will benifit from skin grafts. The Korean people are amazed that someone would do this for them when the majority of Koreans would not think about doing this themselves. The Minister of Health stopped by to pay his respects. They Mayor of Uijongbu (Pop. 500,000) sent flowers. The Democratic Party sent flowers. Several hundred people stopped by to pay their respects. It was a great day. Very exhausting, but it was definitely a day of ministry.”


“Look among the nations! Observe! Be astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in your days – you would not believe it if you were told.” Habakkuk 1:5


With this one precious glimpse at how indescribably SOVEREIGN my Lord is – I cannot even begin to imagine the wealth of healing and blessing He has planned for the Korean people and for the Rex Freel family.

This is an earnest plea for you to be in prayer for the Freel family and for the Korean nation. They are feeling our prayer and being sustained as the Body of Christ continues to lift them before the throne room. Please – PRAY!

“Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:14-16

“Be serious and watchful in your prayers.” 1 Peter 4:7

“And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” John 14:13

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” James 5:16

I don’t think Aunt Linda would EVER forgive me if I shared her story and then did not extend the truth of Christ’s consuming, redeeming love to you! I guess when I blog I’m under the assumption that my intimate friends and family are my audience, that most everyone reading this has already known and tasted the precious life and freedom that follows a life abandoned in Christ. I can’t assume that.

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if you have been going to church since the day you were born, if you made a confession of faith when you were little but don’t relate with Christ daily and intimately, if you are turned off by the idea of Christ because of those that have misrepresented what it’s like to be in a love relationship with Him, if you used to follow Christ closely but have turned away because of all the immense pressures of this fallen world, or if this is the first time you have even heard the mention of Christ’s Name.



Christ changes hearts.



And He has changed mine. I have watched with my own eyes as people’s hearts absolutely and immediately UNFOLEDED, BLOSSOMED at the mere knowledge of Him. Christ was a man, a real man. He was also the son of God. “Christ became the son of man, so that sons of men may become sons of God.” He came because you and I were broken beyond repair. He came because He ADORES us. He died because He knew He was the ONLY one that could save us. When He left He gave us His precious SPIRIT, that we could continue to experience His LIFE as we live to be like Him. He gave us His living WORD that we may be sustained on this earth until the day that both our likeness and knowledge of Him are made FULL.

"You shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21

“And [Christ] is the RADIANCE of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the Word of His power. When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high.” Hebrews 1:3

"...the knowledge of the glory of God in the FACE OF CHRIST." 2 Cor 4:6

"Anyone who has seen Me, has seen the Father." John 14:9

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

"For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save it through Him." John 3:17

"For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil." 1 John 3:8

“In Him we have REDEMPTION through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the RICHES of His grace.” Ephesians 1:7

“Nor is there salvation in ANY other, for there is NO OTHER NAME under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12

“My heart shall REJOICE in Your salvation.” Psalm 13:5

Please, please, please, please, PLEASE do not hesitate to contact me – if you have questions, if you need prayer, if you are angry hurting or rejoicing – anything! I would love to share more about what it’s like to live with Him, or to give you more Scripture to plug into, or to attempt to answer and clarify your questions, or to be in prayer over you. My email is KatieLady318@aol.com, or you could shoot me a Facebook message as well  :)

"Behold, NOW is the accepted time; behold, NOW is the day of salvation." 2 Cor 6:2

"Today, if you will hear His voice, Do not harden your hearts..." Heb 3:15


This blog post is coming much, MUCH later than I had hoped. But I trust that for whatever reason this post is in perfect timing with God’s will.

Before I wrap up [and collapse into my warm fluffy bed] I wanted to share some photos from last summer. I was so blessed to be able to visit my family in Michigan. Toward the end of the week, Mama, Aunt Linda, my cousin Keri, and I went berry picking at an adorable farm nearby. It was a really special mother-daughter morning. These recent events have made these memories all the more PRECIOUS and I wanted to share them with you:

“And He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were HEALED.” 1 Peter 2: 24

“Behold, I will bring it to health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of PEACE and TRUTH. And I will RESTORE the fortunes of Judah and the fortunes of Israel, and I will REBUILD them as they were at first.” Jeremiah 33: 6, 7

“For in Him we live and move and EXIST…” Acts 17:28

“As for me, I know that my Redeemer LIVES, and at the last He will take His stand on the earth.” Job 19:25

“But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angles, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8: 37-39

“This is my comfort in my affliction, that Thy Word has revived me. It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Thy statutes. May Thy compassion come to me that I may LIVE, for Thy Law is my delight.” Psalm 119: 50, 71, 77

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not destroyed; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the LIFE of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” 2 Corinthians 4: 8, 9, 10

Somewhere on the other side of this world, hundreds of thousands of Koreans are holding a newspaper with Aunt Linda’s picture on the front. And it is as the simple caption states it to be:

“For the Love of Korea”



Yet, even so, may they one day understand:

“For CHRIST’S LOVE compels us…” 2 Corinthians 5:14



Blessings – Katie

Work of His Hand

Been in a “funk” (?) since school started back. Yes, a funk.

Didn’t see it coming. Couldn’t explain it. Couldn’t correct it.

It’s just me. I mess up, get confused, fail. Then unexpectedly, and completely aside from any doing of my own, the Lord steps down and raises me to my feet once again.

“I taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by their arms; but they did not know that I healed them. I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love, and I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck. I stooped and fed them.” Hosea 11: 3, 4

Those two weeks of Christmas break were undoubtedly restorative. Yet each day, each week brought unexpectedly heavy stressors.

By the time January 3 rolled around for classes to begin again things just felt… weird. A strangeness that lingered each day. New classes, new physicians, new schedule- not knowing how, when, or what to study. I felt guilty, unsettled, lazy, irritated, incompetent- like I couldn’t do it and wouldn’t swing fully back in.

All these restless, shameful feelings were intensified and made more confusing in light of the intense discipline and responsibility that the Lord had trained me with last semester, culminating as it drew to a close.

The past two weeks: I wasn’t buzzing over to the school each morning before the sun rose to study before class. I wasn’t spending 8, 9, 10 hours during the weekend days studying. I was not reading the textbooks and power points before and after classes. And for the life of me I could NOT pay attention for any substantial amount of time in class.

I was ashamed. I didn’t feel like myself. And I hated, resented it. Yet for all my wishing, hoping, and willing I could not dray myself out of “it.”

I really adore the Lord’s sense of humor. This morning I was sitting in the middle of Dr. Greenwood’s 8 A.M. Emergency Medicine class. Dr. Greenwood. ER doc for over 30 years. Tangents out the WAZOO!!! Tangents don’t mesh well with my ADD. My record attention span in his class till that morning was probably 7 whole uninterrupted minutes.

I really couldn’t tell you what on earth happened. Somewhere between Beta-2 Agonists, Bronchospasm, and Cardiac Arrest it was like the Lord suddenly took my face in His hands and shouted:



WAKE. UP.



All that long-lost energy, focus, diligence flooded back- immediately.

It was as if the Lord stooped down, reached deep inside of me and … “flick.” Big flick. Like our old little old house in Landrum, SC when I’d blow dry my hair too long, short-circuit the place into pitch-blackness, and hubby would go “flick” the breaker back on- instantaneously flooding the dark house with light.

Ahh, our sweet ol mountain cottage…Had to reminisce a bit.

Sure don’t miss the “blow dryer black outs” though…

Whatever it was, I’m glad it’s over! A while later that day, however, I realized what an incredibly meaningful experience those weeks and this morning had been.

You never appreciate something until it is gone (which was in my case focus, as well as passion for medicine and compassion for my patients).

And we unknowingly are way too quick to credit ourselves for things we ACTUALLY don’t deserve an ounce of credit for (again, passion for medicine and compassion for patients).

I took those qualities for granted. I attributed them as ‘mine.’

I was reintroduced to my Source this morning.

It was quite a beautiful thing indeed.

“Do not be deceived, my beloved bretheren. Every good and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. Of His own will He brought us forth by the Word of truth, that we may be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures.” James 1: 16-18

“It is God who works in you.” Philippians 2:13

“Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:5

“A man can receive nothing unless it has been given to him from heaven.” John 3:27

“No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws Him…” John 6:44

“I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me forever.” Jeremiah 32:39

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10



More Catch-Up Photos from Thanksgiving:

This is Mommy's "Fed-up-with-7-dollar-hot-chocolate" face.
She's revolting and bringing her own.
Rebel.

Reeeeeeeeally quick hug during Tiger Walk-
Ain't he handsome?!

This was like "Take 3457"
But we had to have a pic w the paw :D

Dont be fooled- we were FREEZING
And still had a pile of fun :)

You aint seen nothin till you've been to DEATH VALLEY

Pause the music at the bottom so you can listen to this!

"C-L-E-M-S-o0o0o-N!!!"

Garrett!! Turn around!!

Thank you :)



So proud of Baby Dur Dur :D



“Lord, You will establish peace for us, for You have also done all our works in us.” Isaiah 26:12




Blessings- Katie :)

Home for the Holidays

Here are some November photos :)

Today's blog is going to just be a 'photo binge', just going to catch up with photos [and organize the house/study while the photos load :) ]

Was blessed by the last verse of an old old hymn today in church:

"Thou art giving and forgiving,
Ever blessing, ever blest,
Well-spring of the joy of living,
Ocean depth of hapy rest!
Thou our Father, Christ our brother-
All who live in love are Thine;
Teach us how to love each other,
Lift us to the joy divine."

-Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee

The boys and Sugie Puppy outide the barn :)

Love my Daddy :)
Project: Paint the 'Man Cave' above the barn

Mommy and I had a good long laugh about the light in this photo:
Its the one my perfectionist Daddy would use to home video us on Christmas Morning when we were little. The first few minutes of the video were always of us squinting painfully, couldn't even see to open the gifts! Haha!

Daddy = painting 10 square feet per second

Me = painting 10 square millimeters per second

Mmmmmm... hot mulled cider after a job well done :D

This year for Thanksgiving, Mommy wanted us to have Scripture placecards with verses about gratitude = beautiful

Our purdy autumn dining table that Mommy and I set

We took the pups out to play!!!
Could they be ANY sweeter?!?!
[no!]

Dodgie chasing Aunt Sugie around

Dodger's cute lil puppy pounce :D

Sweet baby

Enjoying the afternoon in the country

I love him!!!!

Bear and Dodgie

A little blurry- but they were chasing each other around the Christmas Tree- cutest thing EVER!

Dodgie = Fascinated by Sugar
Sugar = Not so fascinated, but I think she liked being chased by the pups

Mmmmm, lotsa yummy food Mommy and I made: pecan pie, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, stuffing, and gravy

Don't know whats being made- but I know it was YUMMY

Mommy has me decorate her chandelier every year for Christmas

Lol, this was like .2 seconds before part of the garland melted on one of the lights and started SMOKING!!! We got it under control though, haha! Gotta keep things interesting... :D

Ta Da! Finished Product!



Beddie Bye after a long, fun day



This is their 'Pick us up, Mommy...' faces.

"The Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way.
The Lord be with you all." 2 Thess 3: 16

Blessings :)  -Katie

Unspeakable Grace

Haha, an unexpectedly “wordy” blog. Read if you would like to catch up on my heart. Feel free to just enjoy the pics too… :)

Another one of those nights, where 14 “urgent” things simultaneously beg for my immediate attention.

GOBS of Groceries. LOADS of Laundry. A whole new massive dose of Schoolwork.

“I’ll get them out of the way Lord. Then spend time with you. Promise.” Nuh uh. How many countless times has that happened. And all the other “urgent” stuff tonight presented felt so important- like I would feel calm and restored if I could only get ___ and ___ out of the way.

Had to decisively proclaim a firm “no” over it all. Last semester I absolutely did not spend time with the Lord like I should have and could have.

I’ve tasted what nourishes my soul. And I’ve been left “surprised” and aching when I try to substitute.

What a silly girl I can be sometimes. Preparing to spend time with Him, I caught myself thinking “Oh, hmm, but there’s no aches and needs that I need to spill before Him…” As if that was what being with Him was about!!!

Stepping into His presence, I became immediately overwhelmed by HOW GOOD and FAITHFUL He has been to me. Today. Yesterday. Last weekend. Last semester. Overwhelmed. It makes no sense.

The most wonderful part about reflecting on His indescribable goodness and faithfulness toward me recently [and then wondering how the next few months would go] was realizing that THAT’S WHO HE IS! I could already claim victory in the future because nothing about the Lord was going to change!!!

It was like the wisdom He had encouraged me with through Charles Spurgeon a few weeks ago, as exam time began:

“Unless the Eternal One Himself can undergo change, His ways, which are Himself in action, must remain forever the same. Is He eternally just, gracious, faithful, wise, tender? Then His ways must ever be distinguished for the same excellencies.”

One of the most beautiful things last semester was that in the very last weeks, during the height of my exhaustion and work load, He kept calling me back to Himself- to sit quietly with Him, to be still. I wish I could describe the intensity of the academic workload I would be in the MIDST of when He would suddenly ask me to put it aside and be with Him.

Deep fear, terror would sink over me, to the point of tears and cold sweats: “Lord, NOW? Are you SURE?”

I heard a quote a few days ago, it went something like “When we are up against something beyond our power, we can be sure it is the Lord’s domain.”

I think the reason He kept calling me to Himself as the semester both drew to a close and intensified was to simultaneously expose control issues I had in my heart, as well as the incompetency of my flesh.

Prayer Journal, December 4th- “I don’t feel like I’m going to make it, there is such a massive amount left. And I’m becoming so exhausted…”

“Nor will we say again, ‘Our god,’ to the work of our hands.” Hosea 14:3

“I have been cast out of Your sight; yet I will look again toward Your holy temple.” Jonah 2:4

“The Lord redeems the soul of His servants; and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.” Ps. 34:22

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself… for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:4, 5

“But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.” Ps. 34: 10

I was not in control. I was not my source of strength. If I was to know ONE thing by the time I got my PA degree- it was to be that the Lord is the One that would own the career HE had brought to fruition.

“How much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience form dead works to serve the living God.” Hebrews 9: 14

“But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against Him, until He pleads my case and executes justice for me. He will bring me out to the light, and I will see His righteousness.” Hosea 7: 7-9

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Hosea 6: 8

There was SO much He taught me about myself, about Himself, those last few weeks- the busiest and most painful time all semester- who would have thought?!?

Another excerpt from my journal as the semester drew to a close:

“Lord God, what does it mean for me to actually let go of the things that keep me from You? What does the mean for me, look like?! My first thought Lord is – ‘school.’ School keeps me from You. The time it takes, the energy it demands, how much of my own ability and own strength it always needs. How do I let go and remain faithful in what You’ve ordained me to do?

I feel you quiet my heart with the truth- fear. It is not school, but fear that keeps me from You. Doubt. Gosh- what is it that I am actually afraid of?!?

Failing [cramming, fretting, neglecting, undisciplined, misery, too little time, poor performance]. I am so afraid of failure. I am attempting self-dependence and self-worth. …And it is destroying me.

Let go of the fear. What else do I know but it? Is it really not vital? Can life work right, go on without it?

I don’t know how the next 2 weeks will go Lord. I don’t even know tomorrow. But I know this moment. And I know Your presence. Here. Now. And I cling to You. I repent and throw off my false ‘gods’, my miserable strength, my struggle for value. Please forgive me Lord, in the Name of Jesus. Turn Your face toward me and rain grace. I deserve nothing yet need so much.

I mostly need You.”

“For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said, “In repentance and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

“The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17



Ok, ok, ok- I’ll quit talking and share photos ;D I feel like [?] most people skip the words, but for those who follow I hope your heart is blessed by how BEAUTIFUL Christ is!!!

 Blessings ;D  -Katie