Laying here in bed again… We’re gonna see if hub hub can fall asleep with me typing away. Bet he’ll be snoring in minutes.
Not sure why I think so much at night. I guess cause when my busy body is forced to actually hold still my busy thoughts keep going. And this entry ended up much longer than I intended, so if it’s too much to read, just skip to the end- it’s the part where the Lord steps in- and it’s really all I want you to hear ;)
It’s been a dreamy/peaceful weekend. Yesterday morning was the most precious thing in the world for this new lil wifey. One of those mornings you’d want every morning for the rest of your life to be like, but know it couldn’t possibly be that way.
Definitely felt the Lord’s help in peeling my sleepy body away from our warm fluffy bed early that morning. He and I both knew how precious it is when mornings start out with just Him, myself, and Grayson.
Even in a half-zombie, pre-coffee state ya girl knows how to ‘nest up’ her lil home: tidy up the breakfast table, twist open all the blinds to get that dreamy morning sunshine streaming through, get some Shane and Shane playing softly on the iPod, sweetly filling our home with the sound of Scripture.
Then I wake up Betsy, our Cuisinart Grind AND Brew Coffeemaker- just the very sound and smell of her brewing up a fresh pot of coffee is enough to make ya wanna wake up and conquer the day! We’re BFF & E & E [in case you can’t already tell]…
My hunky hubby has finished his shower and steps into our sun-filled, coffee-smellin kitchen to give me a big good morning hug. That child is a classic, by the book MORNING GLORY. He wraps his arms around me (his shower gel smells divine):
G- ‘Do you know HOW MUCH I love you??’
K- face muffled in his big muscle-y freckle-y shoulder ‘Probably not’
G- ‘I love you times a million times a million times a million times a MILLION!!!!’
Yup. Morning Glory. What’d I tell ya. But it melts my heart :)
I start cooking breakfast (cheesy grits, scrambled eggs, and butter toast) and hub hub sits down to do his morning devotions at our breakfast table. He is reading Growing in His Image (a beautiful reinterpretation of the classic The Imitation of Christ). The thought of my husband being shaped into the image of my first love, Christ, gives me a joy and excitement beyond explanation.
I place our breakfast on the table in front of him [this just tickles a wifey in ways you wouldn’t imagine] and join him. He prays over us and blesses our food. Shane and Shane are still singing the Scriptures over us. Breakfast is amazing. But hubby is precious- he is so excited and moved by what he is reading that every sentence seems to excite his soul and he just has to share [which also tickles me in a way you wouldn’t imagine]. We talk. Share Scripture. Eat homemade breakfast. Unbeatable.
He heads back to suit up for another day at the bank. I pack him lunch [homemade barbeque sandwhich and sliced peaches and blueberries] and tuck a note inside [ ‘I adore you! –K’ ] A quick kiss then I send him out the door.
I sit down at the table and whip out my day planner (aka my peripheral brain) and start writing out the gazillion things to get done that day, before I forget. I run out of lines and have to use the margins (pathetic). In the back of my mind, I know I need to ‘pencil the Lord in’ but tell myself ‘well, I’ll spend time with Him when I get a moment so then I can really focus on Him’ (the whole time knowing it does NOT work like that!)
So, poised and ready at the starting block to sprint off into another busy day I head to the bathroom. I haphazardly pick up A Woman’s High Calling by Elizabeth George (love... her...) that was lying open and my eyes go to where I left off:
“She had the grace to know that her spiritual needs at that moment came first. Time spent finding comfort and conformation from God’s Word through her Bible and prayer was a priority…and a necessity! And she had the sense (again, thanks to God’s grace) to just stop, leave things as they were, and look to the Lord for His patience and a quiet spirit.”
Ughhh, wow, I hear you Lord Jesus. I’m coming. Immediately.
I sit down into the Word and my prayer journal and just talk with Him for a while. About how wonderful this morning was. About how much I love being with Him, and being a wifey. About how scared I am that when PA school starts in Sept that I will not have time to spend like this- with the Lord, with Grayson, with our home. Then…the flood gates op-en. Wide. All my fears about PA school I’d been bottling up for months flooded out. Tears drip down and splosh everywhere. I was terrified. Afraid. Scared. Was PA school really the right thing? Could I really handle the ‘soul-crushing’ semester that was about to come up? What if I just wanted to be a wifey???
Still sobbing and half-aware of what was happening, it was like the Lord lifted His arms under my body and led me over to the couch.
I was with Him. He was with me. I could cry. And cry cry cry cry cry I did.
And you know what He did then? Bestow sage-like wisdom? Nope. Turn on ‘divine light bulbs’? Nope. Shower me with prophetic revelations? Nope.
He engulfed me in that firm familiar grace, grasped my heart- that deepest part of me- forever untouchable by any other mortal:
Look at Me.
Look at My Face.
Look at My Face…”
Just that. Only that.
And His grace filled my heart with immeasurably, invaluably, unexplainably more than enough.
“When Thou didst say, ‘Seek my face,’ my heart said to Thee, ‘Thy face, O Lord, I shall seek.’”