You know what, sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain on ‘autoblog.’ Yes, ‘autoblog.’
Because the times when I know I must blog, like right at this moment, are at the very end of a very long day- lights are off, ceiling fan humming away, bed is soft fluffy warm, and my body is just dog tired.
Then my thoughts ‘poof’ show up to play- like a 3 month old infant who doesn’t understand yet the preciousness of circadian rhythms.
Sigh…but I know when I need to process. And I know when the Lord is laying things on my heart. So here I am. Hubby snoring soundly in our warm fluffy bed. Me on our chilly bathroom floor. If you’ve been following the blog… you know the drill.
I’ll tell you what initially pulled me out of bed. I remembered that little ‘treasure cove’ of Scripture I’d compiled for an earlier entry. I was reminded how a friend had gone as far as printing out the entry with all those precious verses- and I thought to myself ‘Hey-I’m gonna do that too!’
Before I go any further, we need to back up to the rather hilarious scene that took place this evening, only an hour or two ago. Hmm, long story short, very short… There’s this book that I need to have done when school starts Sept 1. I use the term ‘book’ very lightly-
because its actually “Clinical Neuroanatomy”
and because its actually about 1000+ pages
and because actually I wouldn’t be surprised if some states would require a special permit for the massive ol’ thing cause I’m quite sure it could be utilized as a ‘murder weapon.’
And when I say I need to have the book ‘done’ I actually mean ‘have it read 2-3 times over because formal time will not be spent teaching Neuroanatomy this semester and you will be tested on it point-blank the first day.’
Honestly… studying is going WELL, really well. But then I just had to go and, oh yes, do the dreaded ‘flip through the rest of the book and see HOW much of and HOW hard the rest of the stuff is’ thing. Let’s just say Katie Girl sat there, right there, on the couch, with Grayson, put her head in her hands… and sobbed.
It was then that Grayson pointed out some tough, but honest, things and processes he’d observed in my life- I am the source and creator of my own anxiety. I fabricate it. It’s not necessary. It often doesn’t even accurately reflect reality. What I worry about-works out- without fail. And the worst part of ANY given dreadful situation is, wonder of wonders, NEVER the situation itself… it’s the worry.
The next hour was a lot of crying, talking, crying, hugging, talking, sobbing, talking, laughing, crying, talking, laughing, crying. And finally, after my poor hubby’s shirt was maxed out with snot, slobber, and tears, our heads hit our feathery pillows.
Yup- and THAT’S when my thoughts woke up, when my ‘processor’ turned on, and when my heart awakened to the tug of: ‘Scripture. Now.’
Scripture is so amazingly ALIVE. Passages that the Lord introduced me to LONG ago, that He’s already brought me to and filled me with time and again, STILL have new fresh meaning every time I come back to it!
So it was tonight. While scanning down that long list of those ‘bits of life’, very specific phrases of Scripture were popping out and sticking to my heart:
“…clothed me with garments of salvation…”
“…He restores my soul…”
“…revive the heart of the contrite…”
“…Thy faithfulness continues…”
“…new heart…new spirit…”
“…I shall not be shaken…”
“…we are healed…”
Whether it was the Lord’s voice, or His wisdom overflowing into my heart that finally snapped my feeble mind into an overwhelming awareness, I don’t know. But one heck of an awareness was I given:
Katie. Sweetheart. Precious.
You are a FREE WOMAN.
Quit living like you are ENSLAVED.
What an incredible reminder. How stilling Truth is. What powerful peace. How different my mind and my heart will be when I crack open the ol ‘Neuro-beast’ tomorrow!
This world presents some mighty heavy burdens, but they are not weighing down this sister…
I am FREE!